Thomas Wood the

Here I sit on the computer gasping for breath, eyes sore, phlem welling u within my throat, and awakening.  The awakening is not that of opening one’s eyes in the morning, but a life awakening.  This has been stewing within me for a while, but I think it came to a head this morning as I got off my ass and ran for the first time in quite a while.  You can attribute this to the chemical change from the running, or you can just call it a striking moment of clairity. 
I have a friend with a terminal illness that he has lived with since the moment he was born.  His every day since he was 18 or so has been on barrowed time.  He too is a martial artist into it for a lifetime.  He noticed that he starts to die when he becomes complacent and looses fight.  I thought about this for a while and noticed that is true with all of us as well, but not as easily measurable. 
Death is a natural state.  Sure most of us dread it, but we will spend the VAST majority of time dead.  When you are dead 100 years you have barely begun to be dead.  Treasure now, and make it count. 
I have noticed within myself, if I loose heart and mellow with age, I have an acompanying aging effect.  However if I rage against it I don’t stop time, but I certainly slow down the effects.  As we get older we have a tendency to sit around and do stuff like, well, writing blogs and such.  We don’t spend nearly as much time adventuring, going out and playing.  It seems to me that raging against the dying of the light might be harder, but it’s worth it. 
I think I have been spinning my wheels for a while.  Usually I look at my life and I am aware that it’s me that steps in my own way.  The times at which I was pretty much unstoppable was when I stopped stopping myself.  This has happened a couple of times in my life, and much like most of you reading this sure enough it is my own fear, lazyness, etc. that breaks my momentum. 
In 1994 I was on a rise.  I had figured this out for the first time in my life.  I was indeed on a roll.  Then my fiance hung herself.  This made me pretty much crawl under a rock for a couple of years.  Even when I emerged I never quite started the same momentum.  Then in about 2000 or so I started another run.  This was broken by a year where I was in 7 auto accidents, my girlfriend left out of the blue, and my income was cut into about 1/4 of what it was.  My mind turned to mush for a little while.  Well, more that I was soul sick for a while. 
I feel better all of a sudden.  I felt the snap this morning.  It’s time to get out of my own way. 
Much peace and love to all of you.
May all of you find the same awakening.