So I went to one of my cousins wedding a couple of days ago.
It occurs to me looking over all the family that family has been lacking in my life for many years now. I pretty much don’t talk to my mom, and my dad is really the only one I have contact with very much.
When I was young my dad’s side of the family was very tight knit. The hub of the wheel being my grandmother (Mam Mah). Every year at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and usually at least one other time there was a major family reunion. I think that when my Grandmother died in 1984 it was the loss of the glue that stuck us together. Now I show up at the family events and I have so many cousins and such that I look around the room and I don’t know who I’m related to.
Tangent-
I’m mostly just the rumored MAGICIAN in the family. For God’s sake, I’m not a magician! Sorry, pet peeve. I mean, I do know a few magic tricks, but I’m a juggler. Yet everyone that does not know me thinks of me as a magician. I’m an anti magician. I do things in front of people and when I’m done nobody believes that I actually did it.
Then again I suppose if you only know one magic trick, if it’s good enough, you are a magician.
Example:
Normal person- So you only know one trick ehh? You can’t be much of a magician. What do you do?
Magician- I RAISE THE DEAD!!!!
End of tangent-
So I’m there alone, and I don’t recognize most of the people in my family. I was forced to be there without Dreamie as was dad without anyone with him other than me. So we are both stag. The music comes up, people start dancing including the bride that I had not seen since she was about 8 years old. I am feeling awkward and it has this distinctly familiar feel to it. Suddenly I realize it feels like I’m in high school.
I look over and my dad, who is one of the coolest guys I know, is doing the same thing. It was very back to the future. He turns to me and said “It feels like high school.”.
Holy crap, it’s not just me!
Dad is very cool in not the conventional way. I mean by standards other than mine, he is cool. I mean he’s funny, stylish, and has a way with the ladies. Beautiful women that are younger than me actively pick up on the guy. Actually he’s usually spent more energy dodging them. However much like me, if he gets put in with a bunch of normals, he stands out like a sore thumb.
I too stand out like a sore thumb. The long hair, dark skin, style of dress, etc. just make me stand out. That and the second that someone starts asking me about my life, I feel like they look at me as if I’m an alien.
I suddenly had the realization that in previous generations in my blood line there was that same outcast feeling. I wonder how far that goes back.
Like I said, very Back To The Future.
Anyway, I forgot why I was writing at first. Part of the reason I feel so alien is that my life, lifestyle, and work is so much different than most people.
I have relatives that are at different universities, and a history of being conventionally successful. Hell, I have a great great uncle that was one of the more respected presidents that this county has ever had. I have had Chiefs in the family as well as patriots that made history. I have even had entertainers in the family. Musicians and Indian medicine show type con artists, and genuine folk heroes are also in my family.
All this proud history of men and women that was interesting to say the least and still I feel odd having an unconventional job. I realize in many ways I traded money made for lifestyle, not to mention stories that nobody else gets to tell.
Usually I’m happy to be the alien in the room. However when with family, it’s well, alienating. I suppose it’s just the “outcast wounded kid that comes out even still once in a while” talking. At the same time, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I mean the whole juggling thing did not start out as a scheme to become rich, or famous, or to even do nearly as well as I did.
I started as a juggler a long time ago with this question. “I wonder if it’s possible to make a living in this ancient profession in this day and age. I wonder if I can feed myself doing nothing but being a juggler.”
So I tried the experiment. My goal was to survive, not to thrive. I sometimes forget that.
I suppose the experiment was a success. I am just wondering where it’s going to take me from here.
A man I respect once told me that in order to make it as an entertainer you need drive, talent, and business sense. If you are missing any of these, you will fail.
So, where to drive to next?
